Are you actually relaxed—or just used to being stressed?

We’re a few days into my nervous system regulation experiment, and I’m already uncovering some game-changing insights. What I’m learning could help you too.

Feb 06, 2025

We’re a few days into my nervous system regulation experiment, and I’m already uncovering some game-changing insights. What I’m learning could help you too—so let’s dive in.

Regulating your nervous system isn’t just about feeling calm—it’s about understanding your body’s responses and working with them instead of against them. That’s precisely what I’m testing in real-time, and here’s what you can take from my experience so far.

The power (and limits) of structure

The first day of my experiment was the ideal setup: help with my toddler, ADHD medication, and a slow, unstructured day. And guess what? I felt amazing. But the real test came when I had none of those things supporting me the next day.

My toddler acted as my alarm clock—no quiet time, no morning routine, just straight into the day. My husband and I managed to get outside with her and walk to a local breakfast spot, followed by a visit to a nearby garden.

Here’s what I noticed:

It's easier to regulate when you have support. Whether that's friends, family, medication, community, etc.
Being in nature, especially around water, has an immediate calming effect. (Science backs this up—just two minutes of being around water can help regulate your nervous system faster than other forms of relaxation)
Despite the peace of the garden, I came home exhausted.

This got me questioning how much of our actual time is spent with an activated sympathetic nervous system (flight/fight/freeze) versus parasympathetic (peace/calm).

Is it possible to make the calming one our default so we can move through the day with more ease?

Are you actually relaxed—or just used to being stressed?

Here’s where it gets interesting—I asked my therapist how to know if, even when I’m relaxing, I’m truly relaxing—because what if I’m so used to being anxious that I can’t tell the difference?

What she said shifted everything: We’re all in sympathetic mode by default. It's nearly impossible to live in the modern world and have an activated parasympathetic nervous system be the default. We have to actively do things to shift into parasympathetic mode—true relaxation isn’t our automatic state.

How you can apply this

If you’re working on nervous system regulation, here’s my biggest takeaway so far:

1) Recognize when your body feels dysregulated

Ask yourself: Is my reaction appropriate for the situation?

If yes—great! Support your body (rest, hydrate, process emotions as needed).
If no—time to pull out your regulation tools and create safety for yourself.

2) We need to regulate ourselves daily

Even when we're not in unusually stressful situations.

The question isn't "Am I dysregulated?"

The question is "What am I doing to feel regulated?"

Start creating more opportunities to feel that tingly, expansive feeling that activating the parasympathetic nervous brings.

This experiment is helping me strip away distractions and determine what I truly need. If you’re on a similar journey, remember—awareness is the first step. Keep checking in with yourself, and you might be surprised at what you discover.

Want to follow this experiment? Make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss a thing.